The Universe
I was a teacher for more than 2 decades. A reluctant teacher, but a teacher none the less. I've met lots of kids and have had lots of interactions with students over the years. My school had a cash bonus program. One of the incentives gave teachers a bonus for doing "covers". This means that you would cover a class for an absent teacher (illness/meeting/workshop/etc.). The way it worked was if a teacher covered more than 3 classes per month s/he was entitled to a €100 bonus for that month. Pretty cool. Well, sort of. In principle it was great but in reality there were still some years where the system was lopsided and some teachers ended up doing lots more than 3 covers per month and the money after taxes wasn't really worth it. Of course you always want to help the school and your colleagues even without the bonus. However, you lost time at school for prep, marking, sending/answering emails, making photocopies, etc. which meant that you had to finish your work at home and this cut a big hole into your evenings.
One afternoon I was asked to cover a PE class outside on the field. WTF. I wasn't dressed for this and really not in the mood for it either as I was a bit heavy on the covers. In addition, I was one of the oldest teachers in the school and really couldn't they just give the cover to someone else. I was pissed off to begin with and went into the class in a mood. It was an overcast winter day and when I arrived the kids were already on the field. I think there there were 2 classes there at the same time with just me. The kids were absolutely ELECTRIC that day. Two classes together with a substitute teacher is often a cause for pandemonium. I was also expected to take roll in the middle of all this confusion. By the time it started to drizzle I was out of patience.
So I took them all back inside. Made them put their heads down until the end of class. They did what I asked without complaints. By the time the class was over they had regained some self-control and were able to go to their next class calmly and quietly.
But while they were sitting there one student looked at me and asked, "Miss, what did we do?" I can't remember what I said to him but I know what I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him that I didn't even have the right shoes to be out on the field. I couldn't tell him that some years there was a quiet war going on about the distribution of cover work. I couldn't tell him that I was already in a bad mood. And somehow all these years later and I'm still thinking about that incident. I've thought about it a lot lately. And I mean A.LOT! I really wanted to apologise to that boy but he has long since graduated from high school and I have recently retired so how the hell is that ever gonna happen?
Lockdown can be a bitch but I am trying to get outside for some exercise. Spring has arrived to Monte Estoril and the sun is shining after a long cold, dark winter here in Portugal. My gym is closed and we are confined to our neighborhoods so I have been walking.
Today on my walk, I noticed someone waiting outside the local barber shop. Low and behold, it was the boy (well, now he's a young man who will graduate from college this year) from my cover PE class all those years ago. We talked for a few minutes saying our hellos, how are yous and what are you up to nows. He gave me an update on his 2 brothers who I also taught. All is well in his life. Then,what I've been waiting for, hoping for: I apologized to him. I took him back to that day and that moment in time. I explained that I was pissed off when I arrived to the field and my fuse was short. He didn't remember the incident at all. He laughed and admitted that they were and he was sometimes electric. We agreed that for the most part that's normal. He said an apology wasn't necessary and thanked me for it. He said he would tell some of the others about our talk.
I didn't think that he would remember that incident and I'm glad he didn't. It was just one small blip in his day a long time ago that wasn't very significant. I knew it wasn't going to change his life. But still . . . It wasn't very fair of me to drag them all inside that rainy day. In retrospect maybe 15-16 year olds running around for the better part of an hour in the rain would have been good for them and would have given them the opportunity to burn off some of the excess energy they always seem to carry. Maybe they would have moved to their next class calmly and quietly just the same.
In any event, I'm glad that I ran into him and got to talk to him about that moment. To set the record straight. To tell him that I know I was wrong that day.
Sometimes the universe smiles upon you and you get a chance to right a wrong.
